I have had the most wonderful opportunity to spend time in Penang with my parents and grandmother, and then host the three of them in Kathmandu for a week! Two weeks past I flew to Penang and spent an incredible week with my family: I was able to finally visit the place of my mother's childhood: Dalat International School. It was so wonderful to be standing on the same campus where she lived for so many months and years, and visit the night markets, eat crazy fruits that were my mother's favorite, and learn how God is moving among His people in Malaysia. On a more materialistic note, it was wonderful to be on roads with LANE LINES (and the vehicles stayed in their respective lane lines for the most part), to walk on sidewalks not covered with trash, and not hear incessant beeping horns all the time.
In fact, it was so good that I began to dread my imminent return to KTM. And that really shook me: I firmly believe and KNOW that KTM is where God would have me serve for the next two years of my life, and though I knew at times it would be difficult, I did not expect to be overwhelmed with feelings of such dread and loathing at the thought of going back. What was going on? On Wednesday morning, 2:30am, I awoke with knots in my stomach, lungs unable to find air, and tears pouring down my face. I stumbled into the living room and poured out my heart to the God who never sleeps, and knows the deepest corners of my heart and soul. LORD, why this dread, why this doubt? I came with a love for Nepal and its people, and a passion for your powerful and holy Word, but all of this has been crowded out by fears, loneliness and discomfort. Am I that weak? Where is your joy, your hope? The tears continued to flow, but my breathing slowed, the knots in stomach loosened, and the Holy Spirit quietly spoke truth to my heart: "Is not my grace sufficient for you? My grace IS sufficient for you, and my power IS made perfect in your weakness - even in this moment in the darkness where it is just you and Me".
Friends and family, how WONDERFUL it is when the Holy One speaks to us in our dark moments! I returned to my bed renewed and overjoyed - and unafraid to admit that I really AM weak - I don't like the crazy traffic, giant spiders in my bed, feeling unsure and exploited at all times due to language and cultural barriers...and I especially do not enjoy being physically separated from my family. But if my Lord's power is made perfect in these weaknesses, then I will gladly suffer these inconveniences for His sake! And at the end of this journey, I pray that I may truly be able to add my voice to David Livingston's, who at the end of his service in Africa concluded "I never made a sacrifice". All praise and glory to our Lord and God, the Author and Perfecter of our faith!
In fact, it was so good that I began to dread my imminent return to KTM. And that really shook me: I firmly believe and KNOW that KTM is where God would have me serve for the next two years of my life, and though I knew at times it would be difficult, I did not expect to be overwhelmed with feelings of such dread and loathing at the thought of going back. What was going on? On Wednesday morning, 2:30am, I awoke with knots in my stomach, lungs unable to find air, and tears pouring down my face. I stumbled into the living room and poured out my heart to the God who never sleeps, and knows the deepest corners of my heart and soul. LORD, why this dread, why this doubt? I came with a love for Nepal and its people, and a passion for your powerful and holy Word, but all of this has been crowded out by fears, loneliness and discomfort. Am I that weak? Where is your joy, your hope? The tears continued to flow, but my breathing slowed, the knots in stomach loosened, and the Holy Spirit quietly spoke truth to my heart: "Is not my grace sufficient for you? My grace IS sufficient for you, and my power IS made perfect in your weakness - even in this moment in the darkness where it is just you and Me".
Friends and family, how WONDERFUL it is when the Holy One speaks to us in our dark moments! I returned to my bed renewed and overjoyed - and unafraid to admit that I really AM weak - I don't like the crazy traffic, giant spiders in my bed, feeling unsure and exploited at all times due to language and cultural barriers...and I especially do not enjoy being physically separated from my family. But if my Lord's power is made perfect in these weaknesses, then I will gladly suffer these inconveniences for His sake! And at the end of this journey, I pray that I may truly be able to add my voice to David Livingston's, who at the end of his service in Africa concluded "I never made a sacrifice". All praise and glory to our Lord and God, the Author and Perfecter of our faith!
But as for me I will hope continually
-Psalms 71
